


Concept of a new fic

by Crystallinearts



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, This is literally just a test not the final product lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29004378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallinearts/pseuds/Crystallinearts
Summary: Hey guys, I've been working on this new fic, and I literally have only one chapter done, and I'm just posting the first draft of the chapter to see if any of you are interested. It's probably going to be some time before I post the real thing, though. I'm just kinda putting this out there to see what y'all think and it will definitely be cleaned up later lol
Relationships: Moblit Berner/Female Original Character(s), Moblit Berner/Original Character(s), Moblit Berner/Penelope Commons
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Concept of a new fic

**Author's Note:**

> TW:// Obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors

Penelope’s thoughts danced in the darkness. Vivid images of death and destruction plaguing her mind. One moment she saw the bloodied corpse of Elita, blood staining her own hand and the next she would see rocks raining from the sky, crushing everyone around her. She screamed, though no one could hear her. They were all dead. Not from the titans, though. It was her. She had killed them all. Sometimes she wouldn’t be in control of her own body. She would watch as if she were a bystander. Her gray eyes looked lifeless as she would perform these horrible acts, orange hair flashing like fire. Sometimes the blood splatters had mixed in with the freckles that covered her skin. The Demon in her mind had whispered for her to do it. It claimed it wouldn’t go away unless she did this horrific act.

It didn’t leave. It never would, she realized. It came back again and again. Forcing her to watch and hear these terrible things. As if life in the Survey Corps wasn’t already hard enough.

Most of her comrades spoke of having these sort of dreams at night, but for her this had started long before she had joined the Corps, and it happened at random times. And they didn’t have It in them. That seemed unique to her. She hadn’t mentioned the circumstances of when these visions appeared to anyone else since it seemed like they were not normal for the others.

She hated it.

_ One two three. One two three. _ She tapped her foot on the ground. This way she could keep It away. This helped to dispel the thoughts and images for a short time. God, she wished they would just go away.

“Commons?”

Penelope looked up at the source of the voice that had called her.

“What are you doing just standing here?” asked the man. He was one of the Section Commanders, she believed. It was hard for her to remember names and faces.

“Sorry, I was just lost in thought, I suppose.” She laughed nervously, adjusting her glasses. “I’ll be on my way then, Sir.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Alright. Just make sure you keep yourself in line. We have an important mission tomorrow.”

“Right.”

Penelope had completely forgotten about that. Anxious, she left the training grounds. She bumped into a few of the bustling soldiers as she made her way through the halls. The walkways weren’t the widest, not leaving a lot of room for someone like Penelope to go against the traffic of bodies. She didn’t mind fighting the crowd much, though. It helped to distract her from her own mind. Sometimes if she stayed focussed on something else, they would disappear.

She headed towards the cafeteria. Maybe getting some food in her would help to settle her nerves. Or at least protect her from her own mind. 

The cafeteria wasn’t as crowded this early in the afternoon. The nights before expeditions, a lot of Scouts liked to “celebrate” the night before. She found it foolish. Who would want to go out there and have the chance of fighting while drunk or on a full stomach? Being a Scout was already nauseating enough at times, and Penelope couldn’t imagine doing so while in those circumstances.

Penelope got her portion of food and sat down alone at a table. She had a hard time talking to new people. Before she had always had Elita with her, helping to make sure she was comfortable. But she was gone now.

She closed her eyes and tried not to think about it. Joining the Survey Corps was a big risk. Everyone knew that. Elita was prepared to lose her life if she had to. Maybe she was being selfish, wishing it had been her instead. Elita had always been a light. Penelope felt like she was a darkness, ready to creep up and ruin everyone’s moods.

Elita had been the first one to reach out to her in the Cadet Corps. Together they had trained and made many memories together. It was her that actually convinced Penelope to join the Scouts, though there were a few other reasons that helped convince her. Elita always dreamed of being a hero to humanity, but in the end her death had been pointless.

It had only been two months since Elita’s passing, so grieving was normal. The problem was that it didn’t seem to be getting any better. People had only talked with Penelope because the bubbly and friendly Elita had always been at her side. Without her friend, no one ever came to say hi.

Sighing, she looked down at her food. It was the same thing they had served basically every day for the four years she had been a member. Stew, bread, the occasional piece of meat. Meat was served maybe. It wasn’t too bad, but it still went to the higher ups most of the time.

“Nifa! You couldn’t find him?!”

Penelope glanced up to see where the shouting had come from. She saw a woman with a messy ponytail and glasses. The person was familiar. Wasn’t she the one who conducted titan experiments or something? Hans or something like that?

“I’m sorry, Hange, but I looked everywhere he could possibly be. He’s nowhere in headquarters that I can see. Unless he’s been barely avoiding me, but I doubt that’s the case.”

Ah. So Hange was her name.

She had to admit, she was curious about who they were looking for, and why they were so desperate to find him. He was probably important to the experiments or something.

Hange groaned. “I need him to draw some portraits for me! It can’t wait! If Juju and Kyle wait much longer, they may stop making those faces! I need a record of them!”

“I’ll go and check again.”

“Thanks, Nifa.”

The two separated and Penelope watched with curiosity.  _ So they are looking for an artist?  _ She didn’t know much about art herself, but she knew it was hard to find a good one, and it sounded like they would need a very talented person to accomplish what Hange wanted. And it seemed like there was only one person for the job, and he was missing.

Shrugging off the eavesdropped conversation, she took a spoonful of stew and put it in her mouth. It was hot, but not burning. The stuff tasted better today than it had in awhile. The flavors seemed to mix better together, the salty and savory tastes perfectly balanced. She smiled.

_ What if you poured it all over that person over there? It would burn and they would scream. Sounds fun. _

She dropped her spoon. It clanked loudly as it dropped to the table.

Some of the nearby soldiers turned to look at her, confused. It only lasted a moment, but the whispers that followed lasted longer.

Why had It come just then? Usually if she was keeping herself busy, It stayed away. Well, she supposed It liked to come when she was happy.

Looking back at her food, bile began to rise up her throat. She covered her mouth and quickly left the cafeteria, not caring to throw away her trash. Her foot tapped over and over again.

_ One two three. One two three. _

She needed fresh air. She needed escape. She needed to be alone.

The halls weren’t as crowded as before, but even the few people she saw made her anxiety spike. It felt like everyone was staring at her as she hurried her way out of the building. It seemed like years before she made it outside.

Normally, when one wanted to relax a little they would head to their room in the barracks. She didn’t have the luxury of a private room, so she had to share with several other women. She needed time for herself, which meant she would go to her special place.

Once outside, she took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air. It was slightly chilly to the skin, but not bad enough that she would freeze. Her uniform jacket would be enough to keep her warm. 

A smile crept onto her lips as she began to run to the forest. Her lungs didn’t burn from running long distances anymore. The training in the Cadet Corps had helped to remedy that. She could feel her heart pounding. Her breathes were getting shorter the longer she ran. 

Inside the forest, she slowed down, taking in the greenery. These trees weren’t the tallest in Wall Maria, but they were thick enough that the sunlight was almost blocked from view. Small patches of gold speckled the red and yellow ground beneath her. The leaves crunched pleasantly under her feet. The smell of pine wafted through the cold air.

Everything about this place was perfect, but this wasn’t even the best part yet.

After several minutes of gliding through the trees, Penelope reached her destination. A wall of yellowing ivy hung in front of her. Behind the curtain of leaves would be her safe place: a small grove that was always quiet. Beautiful blue-violet hyacinths blossomed despite the colder weather. It was strange, but she found it hopeful. Once the snow came down, they would wilt, though, but at least for the majority of the year, they bloomed. She never saw any animals there, except for the occasional bird, so she was always left undisturbed. Here, she could usually keep the dark thoughts and feelings away. Moving the leaves to the side, she smiled and stepped into her haven, only known by her.

At least, that was what she had thought until she saw the man lying underneath one of the trees, fast asleep.

It caught Penelope completely off guard. She had never before seen any animals, let alone people in this place. It was pretty far away from any buildings, so how did he find it? She supposed it wasn’t a difficult journey, but the place was still out of the way and one could only locate it if they already knew the location. Even she hadn’t found it alone. 

Elita had shown it to her as a place she could relax and stay away from people when the thoughts would take over. She still had no idea how her friend had found the place, but she decided not to question it.They would typically come right before expeditions, probably because that’s when she found herself the most stressed. When anxiety came, the darkness that contained It followed not long after. 

In the back of her mind she felt angry. This was her safe place. How  _ dare _ someone else come here without her permission? She came here when she was most vulnerable, and she didn’t want other people to see that, especially some random guy she had never spoken to before. He wasn’t a complete stranger, she had seen his face before, but she didn’t know his name. That didn’t matter, though. She just wanted him to leave.

Penelope quietly walked farther into the grove, trying to get a good look at the man before she would wake him up and ask him to leave. He had hair the color of sunlight when the sun was sinking towards the horizon, which was parted neatly in the center. He was about the average height of a man for his age, and he looked like he was about the same age as her, maybe a year or two older. His expression was so serene and calm. It almost made her not want to kick him out.

_ So strange… What is a guy like him doing here? _

A crunch sounded beneath her foot, a leaf being crushed by it. The man’s eyes flew open and his face became the exact opposite of what it was before: filled with stress and worry.

“Oh my, God! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to fall asleep here.” He stood up brushing leaves off of his clothes.

He behaved a lot more politely than she had expected from a stranger who had burst into someone’s personal space. Perhaps he wasn’t so bad after all? She decided to hear him out before making any rash decisions.

“I, um, you don’t need to apologize. I was just a bit surprised to find someone here. That’s all.” Penelope looked down at her feet. One had subconsciously started tapping. “I’m curious, though. How did you find this place?”

His eyes widened with surprise. “Oh, well, I needed a break, and I wanted to get far away, so I went into the forest and eventually found this place. It seemed nice and safe enough so I sat down to rest, and I guess I ended up falling asleep. I’m really sorry for intruding. I best get on my way-”

“No, it’s alright. You don’t have to go.” Penelope found herself saying. Strange how her opinion of him had changed so drastically after speaking for only a few moments. The way he behaved… This man was like her. He just needed a place to escape to. 

She looked around at all of the scenery. The small variety of trees with leaves the colors of fire, the small bushes and rocks that scattered the place, and the best part, other than the beautiful hyacinths of course, one could look up and have a clear view of the sky. 

“I like to consider this place a haven of sorts. I come here whenever I’m stressed or feeling down, so if you want to come here when you’re feeling that way, it’s fine. It has been getting kinda lonely here. Unless you don’t want me to be here when you are. That’s totally fine.”

He stared at her, golden eyes wide. “You really don’t mind?”

“Well, I was hesitant at first, but after talking a bit, I’ve changed my mind. It’s nice to have someone to talk to that’s not a part of your own squad every now and then.”

“My God, you are so right.”

“Anyways, I’m Penelope Commons.” She held out her hand to him. “And you are?”

“Oh, Moblit Berner. Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself earlier.” He shook her hand firmly. “Um, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.” She let go of his hand and sat on a rock. 

Moblit did the same.

“So,” Penelope began. “What exactly were you needing a break from? I recall you saying something about it earlier.”

“Yes. That.” He sighed. “Well, I’m in Section Commander Hange Zoe’s squad. You’ve probably heard what she’s like. I love being in her squad- don’t get me wrong- but she can be a bit much at times. She’s always looking for something new to experiment, and lately that has involved getting little to no sleep. I finally had a chance to slip away, and I fell asleep as soon as I was comfortable.”

_ Oh. So he’s the one she's looking for,  _ she thought. Deciding it was best, she chose not to mention what she had overheard earlier. At least, not yet.

Penelope laughed softly. “Damn, that sounds rough. I’ve heard about the things she does, and it seems exhausting.”

“It is. Plus, it doesn’t help that she considers me her right hand man. I have to be there for every little experiment she does. I also have to make sure she doesn’t get herself killed. It’s not the most delightful job. And I have to do drawings of figures and the like, too.”

“I can only imagine.” She gazed at him for a moment. 

His mannerisms seemed to be more relaxed than when they had first started talking. That was good.

“Anyways, what brings you here?” Moblit asked.

Penelope froze up. Sure, he had been friendly, but she couldn’t trust him enough with the full truth yet. People who found out about what was going on in her head usually rejected her and were afraid of her. It was odd, though. She just noticed that she hadn’t once felt the urge to shove those thoughts away or tap her foot since she had started speaking with him. It seemed like he was a good distraction or something. Even with this, she didn’t want to scare him away.

“Oh, just pre-expedition jitters. The usual. It’s usually around this time before we head out that I come here to get my mind off of things.”

Moblit nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I get that too, sometimes. I never know when Hange may go run off and do her own thing. Then I have to be the one to follow her and bring her back. It usually ends up in trouble. I’m honestly surprised I’ve made it this long with how many times she has put her life at risk.”

“That really does sound stressful. Expeditions are already dangerous enough when you’re focussing on your own life.” Penelope adjusted her glasses a little. “Have you ever thought about transferring squads?”

“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t… But Hange needs me.” Moblit laughed to himself. “I don’t mean to be prideful or anything, but I don’t think anyone else could really do what I do. No one else really knows how to keep her in check, or at least has the anxiety, and I try to put others first.”

“The Survey Corps needs more people like you,” Penelope said quietly.

“What was that you said?”

“The Survey Corps really needs more Scouts like you. It’s very rare to find someone who is so willing to put themselves at risk to help another. A lot of us will put ourselves first before even thinking about others. Me included…”

Her thoughts drifted to Elita… Her own self preservation had helped lead her friend to her death. If she had tried to save her, maybe things would be different. Maybe she wouldn’t be so lonely. Maybe her thoughts could be better-

“Hey,” He put a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump a little in her seat, “That’s okay. This world we live in is harsh, and it’s always important to care about yourself. Sometimes it’s the best you can do.”

Something stirred inside her as she met his eyes. She was unfamiliar with the feeling, but it felt nice. 

“Are you sure? It seems a little selfish to me.”

He shrugged. “We all have those moments. It’s in our nature.”

“I-I suppose.” She looked at the ground, tapping her foot again.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I need to think about what I say before it comes out of my mouth. I guess I just felt really comfortable with you, so I just started blabbering on…” He pulled his hand away and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

Penelope fell silent. She wasn’t mad at him or anything. More at herself for her foolishness in the past.

“No need to apologize. I’m not mad at you or anything. Just myself. My self preservation caused me to lose someone close to me. It wasn’t too long ago, so the wound is still fresh.”

He closed his eyes. “God. I’m sorry.”

They fell silent for a moment.

Penelope could feel the Demon start to creep in again. She tapped her foot against the ground again.  _ One two three. One two three. _

She noticed Moblit glance at her foot, but he didn’t say anything. He simply looked out at the flowers around them. A soft gasp escaped her lips. 

That was a first.

People always tended to look her way when she started doing her weird things. It was refreshing. She hadn’t seen this from anyone since Elita. Not even her own family acted like this. They had always been… always been…

“Beautiful.”

“Huh?” She looked up.

“This place is truly beautiful.” Moblit looked at the scenery, smiling. “It’s a shame I won’t be seeing it again-”

“Well, you can come back,” she blurted out. “If you want, I mean.”

He parted his lips for a moment, then closed them, deep in thought.

Penelope felt her cheeks grow hot. Why had she said something like that?

“I think I will come back. If you really don’t mind. I really love the atmosphere here. It’s so calming. I would also love to draw it sometime.”

“Oh, good.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem. It’s nice to have company, anyways. Unless you don’t want me to be here when you are. We could make a schedule or something.”

“I don’t mind. You seem like a great person. I’d love to get to know you more.” 

“Likewise.” A small smile crept onto her lips.

Moblit grinned at her. It appeared as if all the anxiety he had been carrying had disappeared. This place really did have some sort of magic to it. No where else could create such a calm and relaxing atmosphere. It was truly perfect.

Gently, she reached down and picked a hyacinth. She twirled it in her fingers, watching the petals spin through the air. These flowers were as unique as their home. 

Golden eyes watched her, and she did her best not to let it bother her. Yes, Moblit had been kind, but it would take some getting used to if he were to be around more often. She had gotten so used to being shunned and alone… This feeling was almost unfamiliar. Not being able to remember what it’s like to have a friend? Or at least an acquaintance? She really was a pathetic mess.

“How do you think those flowers got here?” he asked, curiously examining one of his own choosing.

She shrugged. “Beats me. They’ve just always been here.”

“Strange…” He reached as if to pull something out and cursed softly. “Dammit. I keep forgetting I don’t have my sketchbook with me. I’ll for sure have to bring it next time.”

“So you’re a hobbyist as well?”

“Well, sometimes. If I can find the right subject to draw. Sometimes work drains the energy for it from me unless I can find something that truly inspires me.”

“That's really amazing. Being able to create.”

Moblit scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t know about that. Being an artist in this world isn’t as important as being a soldier. I didn’t even realize my art skills would be handy until Hange tracked me down and had me put in her squad.”

“I see…” Penelope found herself lost in her own thoughts, her hand subconsciously moving towards her mouth. She stopped herself. Not here. Not in front of someone else. She had to try and control it.

A shiver shook through her body.

Looking up, she saw that the sky was already turning dark. How long had she been out here? Had they really been talking for that long? Time really did seem to pass quicker when you were with company…

Something was draped over her shoulders, and Penelope looked up at Moblit in shock. His hands were on her shoulders, placing his green cloak from his uniform on her.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you or anything- You looked cold.”

“Oh, um, thanks.” She pulled it tighter around her. As she did so, she noticed that it had a sweet scent. Not one she could clearly identify in that moment.

“It’s getting late. We should probably head back and get some good sleep before the expedition tomorrow.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

He held out her hand and she took it, letting him assist her in standing. His hands were warm. The feeling was even more prevalent because of how cold her hands had grown from being outside for too long.

Penelope guided them through the forest, since Moblit didn’t really know the way. He had wandered here aimlessly, and hadn’t really kept track of what direction he had come from. When he explained this, she couldn’t help but smile. She found it endearing how he was not afraid of going into the unknown. Well, it wasn’t dangerous within the walls, but she still found it impressive. If she hadn’t already known the way to the haven, she would’ve never had the confidence or bravery to try and find one.

She let him talk as they made their way back to headquarters because she didn’t feel like speaking much anymore. The Demon was holding onto her, being quiet, but she could still recognize Its presence. Not wanting to ruin her chances at making a new friend, she decided to try and push It away and keep It hidden. She didn’t want to scare Moblit off before they had the chance to truly get to know one another. 

This wasn’t the first time she had struggled with choosing to talk about the Demon with others. In the past, she had revealed It too soon, and those who had learned left her behind. Elita had been special. She had seen It early on, but decided to stay and help her with It instead. 

Her heart began to ache. Penelope really missed her.

“Penelope? Are you okay?”

She blinked, coming out of her thoughts. “Oh, sorry. I guess my mind started to wander.”

“Okay… You should really get to bed as soon as you can. It would be bad if that happened during the expedition tomorrow. You don’t want to fall off of your horse… Or something worse…” He looked forward, expression growing distant.

Penelope couldn’t help but wonder what made this man act so anxious all the time. What had happened to him in the past?

“Right. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“It’s okay. Just be careful.”

Silence grew between the two of them until they reached the barracks. They separated, saying goodbyes and good lucks.

Penelope didn’t like having to sleep in the woman’s barracks surrounded by other people. She felt like they would stare at her and judge whatever she did.

A few soldiers waved at her and gave her half-hearted greetings as she came into the bedroom. She couldn’t blame them for not being too friendly, since she hadn’t even made an effort to learn their names.

She sat on her bunk and was hit with a wave of darkness. The beds around her faded into blackness, and all she could hear were screams.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she brought a hand to her mouth and started to bite her fingernails. This was another way she would try to keep It away, though it was not the method she liked to do publicly. It could sometimes get… bloody.

Today was not as bad, though. Something about the presence Moblit had made her more calm. It made the screams not as loud.

Maybe she could banish It someday.

This thought gave her hope, and the blackness started to fade away, the barracks coming back into view.

A few of the women gave her strange glances, but she was used to it.

Penelope changed into her nightclothes and crawled into bed, pulling the blankets over her head. Normally she did this to hide her strange behaviors, but today she did it to hide the small smile that crept on her face as she thought about Moblit, wondering if he was also thinking about her.


End file.
